Seducing Mr. PeRfEcT

Though I am supposed to be doing my work right now, I just can't help but go through my sister's collection of movies in the computer..... and guess what i found?

A KOREAN MOVIE! YEAY! *all excited now, wuuhuuu, my hands dancing in the air*

"Seducing Mr. Perfect" - that was the title. I just couldn't believe it... somehow, it made me believe in LOVE again. Like I am now very ready to have faith in "romantic relationships" - most harsh reality call for someone who acts very cold outside and signalling to the whole world that she doesn't need a man.

Well, we'll see how long this positivity will last :)

And even when I know that I am the sole reader of this blog, it's okay... it becomes okay...

The beauty of solitary solitude...

aku ingin bebas

sudah terlalu lama aku tak menulis blog.... aku rasa macam sudah terlalu lama aku memendam apa sahaja yang terlintas dalam kepala otak nie.... walaupun aku cuba untuk tidak terlalu memikirkan perkara ini, hakikatnya ia lebih sukar untuk dilupakan....

baru aku sedar - menulis bagaikan suatu alternatif untuk aku menikmati kehidupan yang mungkin tidak akan aku temui dalam realiti diri aku kini....

kalau ikutkan hati, memang teringin sangat merasai kebebasan mutlak... tak payah susah-susah menyusahkan diri sendiri... tak perlu aku sibuk-sibuk nak mengingatkan diri tentang kewajipan menjaga hati orang lain.

huh! ORANG! MANUSIA! apa-lah ada pada mereka semua... aku sudah penat sebenarnya - penat hendak menjaga hati dan perasaan orang sedangkan jiwa sendiri tak ke mana...

ya, mungkin juga aku tidak berlaku adil... manusia yang aku jaga hati mereka itu sebenarnya manusia yang mampu meminjamkan aku sedikit kebahagiaan - dengan izin Tuhan - dan aku boleh tersenyum gembira dengan penuh rasa lapang dada...

tapi aku tetap perlukan ruang - ruang sendiri, ruang peribadi - untuk diriku mencari dan cuba sedaya-upaya menemui bahagia aku sendiri...

entahlah...

(tiba-tiba aku rasa otak beku aku semakin beku untuk berbahasa melayu... oh, sedihnya!)

down the memory lane where fresh sparks of light are dying

i

rekindled

flames of the past

memories that were once so

welcoming, warm and

dear to my heart.

are they really

just worth

a while?

or

will

they be

forever

and lasts

till end

of time?

will the

flames

grow

into

fire? or

will it

burn

its last

desire,

and all

that’s

left is

only

ashes

and

the

dusts?

cold,

dark

and

gone.

it seems like humans only start living when they know what to live for.

January 28th, 2009 at 10:05 am

as i squint to see the light in the dark,

in life,

i die.

in death,

i live.

what a thin line there is

between

light and obscurity.

try as i wish

i can never be

the simple self

that i need to be.

the silver star

does shines upon me

though bright its light

too far from me.

the dark in the black sky

still wins over me.

January 27th, 2009 at 10:05 am

bahagia yang sempurna

(perfect happiness)

Pernahkah anda melihat dunia daripada kaca mata seorang anak kecil? Bagaimanakah dia memandang dan menilai dunia? Si anak kecil hanya punya satu dunia - DUNIANYA - dan ia tidak berbeza daripada mana-mana dunia yang lain. Bagi anak kecil itu, SEMUA DUNIA ADALAH SAMA… dan semua penghuni dunia adalah temannya - semuanya secantik, setulus, semulus dan sehalus dia.

Pernahkah anda mendengar anak-anak kecil saling berbicara antara mereka? Ia sungguh istimewa - mereka bertutur bahasa yang sama dan suara mereka sungguh mendendangkan kemurnian, kesucian dan kenaifan manusia. Kadang-kala, mereka tidak perlu saling berkata-kata - cukuplah gelak-tawa dan senyuman ria. Dunia mereka memang sempurna.

Pernah wujud dua anak kecil yang sedang bermain gembira. Antara mereka, tiada “aku”, “kau” ataupun “dia” - hanya ada satu “kita”.Pengantara bahasa mereka jauh beza bunyinya - tetapi entah mengapa, mereka masih saling memahami dan mengerti maksud kedua-duanya. Oh, dunia itu memang sempurna!

Ya, daripada kaca mata si cilik, dunia ini memang sungguh sempurna…

sempurna dan bahagia…

January 1st, 2009 at 9:50 am

blogging & online personal journals [v:ii]

(finally i’m writing something other than incomprehensible fragmented discourse - yup, i’m referring to the few last posts… though i personally believe that they are ART, but people are free to disagree *_* EHEM! back to blogging!)

i’m not new to this blogging stuffs… not new at all…

i first blogged during my undergrad years - yes, thanks to the COMPULSORY assignments given by one of the most popular lecturers at the faculty (this is a tribute to those who fell in love or had crushes on this particular person, though i dont quite understand why). but none was as personal as this one i’m holding on to now. so, in an earlier blog-post, i had to write something on my personal reasons for blogging - it was as if i had to fulfill the unsaid obligation of ALL bloggers alike.

come to think of it, it’s really funny actually… because i’m now unofficially blogging, i HAD to go and read some of the blogs out there right? (oh, well, that’s not exactly true - i have always enjoyed reading AND the blogs out there are really fun to read ) so, that’s exactly what i did - i went online from one blog to the other to the other to the next one to the next one and so on and so forth…. it was never ending, i tell you!

but, what was funnier was the fact that almost ALL (and this is like 99.9999999 % of the population) bloggers somehow or rather must have written at least ONE post on their reasons for blogging - to justify their existence in the blogging world, in the whole scenario. if you dont believe it, try clicking “next blog” button on blogspot.com, go to their earliest posts in the archive and you will see my point. (AND I thought that i was the ONLY one foolish enough, insecure enough to justify MY existence in this world… hoho… )

MOST also share their deepest secrets - but no, not the ones they keep hidden from their family and friends, like if they accidentally slept with someone else’s spouse or accidentally stole some money or whatever… It is actually something more - their DEEPEST FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS - something that most people would not even admit to themselves. it makes me think of my own secrets.

there was something else too. during my course and quest on the reading adventure of the blogs, i found out so many interesting blogs - with such varied styles of writing, use of imagery and pictures, videos, songs, et cetera.

it seems like blogging is SUCH A HUGE UNIVERSAL PHENOMENA - i can find blogs in ALL languages, from ALL parts of the world, with ALL sorts of content (u’ll never believe it!). okay, maybe i’ve exaggerated a bit, but it’s really becoming such a GLOBAL passion.

it’s quite surprising how people can really open up in their blogs -it’s like there’s almost no barriers at all. when i read their blogs, it felt like i’ve known them quite well - almost as if i’m close enough to them to say that I’M THEIR FRIEND or vice versa. to others, the word “friend” may mean nothing - but i dont simply call anyone my friend.

so, when i could actually decide on something like that, i was quite surprised with myself. i could not explain, but i am a most reserved and cold person in nature - so, when i felt so close to the bloggers (the ones whose blogs i read), it was very special, very honest - almost surreal feeling.

hmm… what a unique concept blogging has imposed on me - taking such risks exposing myself and my vulnerability. I really hope it would actually do me good.

December 27th, 2008 at 10:49 am