in the eyes of man

i was very surprised to see him yesterday. Not that i was too surprised - he did live quite nearby the area - but there was still the element of shock when i saw him with his girlfriend yesterday.

i was having one of the best times with my mom and sisters (my brother could not come because he would have a meeting later that evening).... we were queuing up to buy tickets to the movie, and there he was - standing behind my sisters and i... i did not notice him at first - my sister pointed him out to me.

i can't really say or even tell how i felt at that moment. i mean, my actual feelings... part of me was excited (i rarely bumped into someone i know), and part of me wished that i never knew he was there.

and somehow, in midst of the mixed feelings, there was a sadness, bitter emotion as if i was hurt deeply by something. as if i could still be hurt by him...

but there was also joy - humph! - a relief to know that i can safely say i have won, in a way.... heheheh.... bad girlie.... she thinks she's prettier than the guy's girlfriend... (or at least in my mind, i was ^_^ )

i guess i'm still trying so hard to get over my feelings, my 'crush' for him.... oh, why can't i just live with the fact that he's a jerk? why must i still hang on to these 'uncertain', fleeting emotions?

i don't want to cry anymore - at least not because of him... but Allah, the Almighty.... i'm so confused... i know he's no good for me, but ...

the hollowness inside my heart keeps reminding me of the hole he left when he 'went' away...

until today, i still remember all those 'memories' - sweet nostalgia - that stung my soul to numbness. such pain, such coldness, such ..... love....

and he was not even my boyfriend.

the China i knew

a feast of pictures of china for those interested...

by the way, these were all taken in Kunming, Yunnan, China - "city of eternal spring"

a most beautiful place, indeed.

somewhere i belong

kita semua hanya ingin mencari tempat kita tersendiri dalam dunia ini. Kadang-kadang kita rasa seperti tergolong dalam kalangan mereka yang bertuah dan mempunyai "kehidupan".

Tetapi, selalunya, kita rasa terpinggir dan terkeluar daripada keuntungan hidup dan tidak pernah merasa puas dengan apa yang kita ada.

We always want to have more. Hey, the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right?

Mungkin benar kalau kita fikirkan bahawa hidup ini tidak pernah adil pada kita - kita tidak pernah dapat apa yang kita mahu, kan....?

Tapi, entahlah.... walau ke mana pun kaki ini melangkah, belum pernah lagi dirasakan bumi yang dipijak itu adalah milikku... Bukanlah maksudnya aku mahu 'memiliki dunia'.... JAUH sekali... Cuma rasa seperti aku perlukan suatu 'makna' dalam kehidupan yang mampu memberikan kepuasan kepada aku - dan aku boleh berkata yang "I am satisfied with my life."

Or at least, for a single fraction of my life, i can be content and feel fulfilled - never have to wonder... never even wish to wonder.

Hakikatnya, aku hanya seorang insan biasa - aku tak punya apa-apa - walau hati ingin memiliki segala...

If only I am strong enough, brave enough...

http://www.kewego.com/video/iLyROoaftQhE.html

Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong - kewego
Linkin Park ( LIИKIИ PARK ) is a rock band from Agoura Hills, California



Originally consisting of three close high school friends from Agoura High School, Linkin Park’s foundation was anchored by Mike Shinoda, Brad Delson, and Rob Bourdon

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http://www.linkinpark.com/

http://ahlrik.co.nr/

http://ahlrik.vze.com/

Keywords: hardrock rock pop house soul linkin reggae retro park folk rb funk psychedelic ahlrik tiberius wegner ballads ballad

Video from ahlrik

~the beauty of pain~

PAIN.

It's a word that conjures up sufferings and horrible feelings to one's mind when mentioned once. If you say it twice or more, though, it might sound ridiculous enough as the repetition is quite absurd.

I may have exaggerated the level of negativity associated with PAIN but nevertheless the truth is still as definite as black and white. So, why is it that I still venture into PAIN even when I keep crying myself to sleep because of it?

HUMANS ARE SUCH CONFUSING CREATURES.