Guess what?

I've been thinking lately - and by thinking, I mean that I have really, literally used my mind to consider and re-examine the things and stuffs in life, and not just some figurative speaking of how I "may" have used my brain but not quite yet (?) - of how I have always been a person of thoughts and so much less lacking of action in life...

It is such a pity, you know, how you talk so diligently about dreams and passion and "living", when you actually do nothing in your power to make them come true .... or have never ever worked hard enough OR tried even harder to do so.....

I don't even know why I'm writing this, but I guess it doesn't really matter, does it?

This blog was supposed to be my most "truest", honest writing about the things that I want to talk about. (That's the reason behind those unnecessary anonymity...) And the subject of my writing OR the style I write it with should not matter at all.

Instead, this is now, just another mask that I put on - just another facade to hide from the truth ... as I think too much and care too much of other people's feelings (as well as those that I know of and those who are strangers to my eyes/heart) ...

THIS moment here, this post here, this [silent] apology here - will mark the beginning of an honesty.

I REALLY WANT TO WRITE, but now it will only be for the sole reason that I LOVE WRITING - and NOTHING ELSE.

And maybe then, this supposedly self-therapy will heal me into actioning the dreams and passion that I have always kept in my heart. Just maybe then...

P/S: Teman, aku sudah tunaikan janjiku semalam, tapi benarkan aku untuk memilih sendiri bahasa pengantaraku. Kerna sesungguhnya aku cuma seorang pencinta bahasa - dan aku hanya punya dua bahasa. Andai aku kenal lebih banyak bahasa, Sepanyol misalnya, pasti aku tuturkan diriku dalam pengantara itu. Ya, sayang, Melayu ini masih tegar intipati Melayunya, walau "layu" itu punya suatu konotasi yang tidak menyenangkan.

~untuk Paige, dariku, satu-satunya teman keliru-mu~.