Friday, July 16, 2010

Kuliah Pagi Jumaat

Lewat kebelakangan ini, sudah menjadi kebiasaan aku untuk pergi membeli makanan sarapan pagi bersama-sama teman sepejabat hampir setiap hari.

Walau pun menu sama sahaja setiap hari, dan kami sudah pun sangat bosan untuk menghadap makanan pagi, kami tetap teruskan rutin. Bukan kerana makanan, tetapi kerana itulah sahaja masa paling sesuai untuk kami bersosial sesama sendiri. Andai dinanti saat makan tengah hari, ah, pasti sahaja moodnya sudah lain.

Bak kata dia pagi tadi, "... bukannya lapar... tapi saja nak jalan-jalan waktu pagi, ceria kan diri sekejap... cara yang bagus untuk mulakan hari kita, kan..."

Ah, teman... betapa benar pernyataan mu itu...

Rutin pagi kita menenangkan hariku, menyamankan hatiku. Kalau difikir-fikirkan semula, it's like we "grow up" better because of those few minutes in the morning - the enlightening "morning walk".

Tapi pagi tadi, memang jauh lebih istimewa.

Teman ku ini telah berkongsi sesuatu yang menginsafkan aku. Katanya, dia sudah mula mendengar radio IKIM semasa memandu di waktu pagi dalam perjalanan ke tempat kerja (dulu selalunya HITZ atau HOT, panas!). Dan pagi tadi, dia mendengar Ustaz di radio menyatakan betapa pentingnya manusia sentiasa mendidik dan mengingatkan diri supaya selalu bersyukur atas apa yang kita ada.

"Ustaz tu kata, dia selalu dapat panggilan dan pertanyaan daripada pasangan suami-isteri yang tak puas hati dengan pasangan masing-masing."

"Diorang mengadu yang diorang penat bila asyik memberi sahaja dalam perhubungan tu dan tak mendapat kepuasan yang setimpal. Sampai tahap diorang kata, "suami saya sepatutnya...., isteri saya sepatutnya..."... ntahlah, tak ingat istilah apa yang Ustaz tu guna untuk gambarkan pasal nie..."

"Tapi yang uniknya, tu, kan... dia kata, kita tak bleh fikir macam itu. Kita tak boleh terlalu fikirkan tentang apa yang patut dan tak patut berlaku."

"Katanya, "Bayangkanlah tentang nikmat dan pemberian yang telah Allah kurniakan pada kita. Tak pernah Dia tuntut balasan atas kasih dan kemurahan hatiNya pada kita, kan? Jadi, kita tak sepatutnya mengharapkan balasan atas apa yang telah kita berikan. Sepatutnya, kita bersyukur dan memberi tanpa mengharapkan balasan. Allah sentiasa memberi kepada kita, tapi kita bukan selalu membalasnya dengan amal ibadah. Malah selalu pula kita lupa untuk bersyukur..." Insaf, kan?"

Aku terdiam saat dia menghabiskan kuliah pagi Jumaat itu.

Teringat kepada sahabat-sahabat dan kerja yang selalu sahaja menuntut perhatian ku dan aku ikutkan, tetapi setelah itu mengaduh pula kerana merasakan bagai diri tidak mendapat keadilan atas usaha yang telah aku curahkan.

Teringat kepada ibu ku, adik2ku dan arwah ayah ku. Betapa aku katakan kepada diri sendiri yang aku sedang memberikan pengorbanan untuk mereka tetapi aku mengharapkan pula penghargaan mereka atas apa yang telah kononnya aku korbankan.

Dan ketika itu lah sahabatku tadi melihat ke wajah ku dan bertanya, "Kenapa?"

Aku katakan pada dia:

"Takde apa. Insaf. Tiba-tiba teringat betapa saya tak pernah cukup mensyukuri apa yang ada dalam hidup nie. Ingatkan diri sendiri dah banyak berkorban, tapi lupa rupa-rupanya saya selalu mengharapkan balasan atas pengorbanan sekelumit itu. Insaf, wak... kata-kata ustaz tue memang menginsafkan."

Terima kasih, teman, atas kuliah pagi Jumaat tadi.

Sama-samalah kita saling mengingatkan...

dan BERSYUKUR.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

~mAmA: the untold story 2~

Pernah tidak kamu merasa seperti kamu benar-benar marah dan kecewa dengan layanan ibu-mu terhadap-mu? Bagaikan ingin menjerit dan menengking kerana hati yang bengkak dengan rasa pilu melihat ketidakadilannya terhadap kamu?

Pasti aku tergolong sebagai anak derhaka kerana ketidak-puasan hati ini... Bentak hati-ku pasti akan mengheret jiwa ke neraka jahanam...

Tapi, mengapa aku masih lagi tidak mahu insaf? Kenapa aku masih lagi bersikap "ah! biarlah aku derhaka! aku bengang! suka hati aku lah!!!!!"?

Memang dasar manusia kufur nikmat. Manusia lain yang sudah yatim piatu di luar sana pasti akan mengeji aku.

Tapi, lewat kedewasaan usia ini, aku memang sedih dengan sikap ibu yang bercakap tanpa memikirkan perasaan aku.... (though I know that I am a fool for saying these because it is clear that children hurt their parents more with wicked words and harsh voices... and not being careful and mindful of what they say and how they say it to their elders...)

Aku tahu aku salah, tapi bebelan-nya semasa dia marah sangat menusuk kalbu-ku - bagaikan aku manusia yang tiada nilai langsung... hampas kelapa lagi baik!

~~sedih~~

Agaknya bagaimana lah rupa aku bila menjadi ibu....?

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Pabila hati lebih senang bicara cinta...

Kebelakangan ini, aku masih selalu teringatkan dia, teringatkan mereka....

Kadang-kadang rasa macam hampeh sangat.... Bukan ke aku patutnya get my own life dan bukan sangap lagi nak pikirkan sesuatu yang tak pernah wujud?

Maybe aku nie manusia nostalgic - yang mungkin realis dan idealis pada masa yang sama, tapi aku masih tetap suka kepada memori-memori ingatan silam...

Yelah... kalau dah hati ni asyik rasa macam kekurangan sesuatu.... haisyh....

Kawan aku kata maybe aku patut ada hobi dan "aktiviti" baru - to get my mind off things... lebih-lebih lagi bila dia asyik kena dengar aku bebel pasal kebosanan dan depresi aku menghadap keja yang tak pernah nak abis... x penah nak siap...

Cemburu juga bila dengar kawan-kawan yang main sports, atau lepak dengan kawan2, etc...

Umur dah tua... tapi aku masih macam kanak2 ribena yang x tak pernah nak dewasa...

Mahal betul nilai kematangan aku rupanya!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

1ne 4our 6ix

Terlanjur menjadi diri sendiri, aku selalu tanyakan soalan ini: KENAPA?

Kenapa mesti aku jadi sesuatu yang orang lain mahu lihat sedangkan aku hakikatnya bukan begitu?

Kenapa aku kalah pada hasutan hawa nafsu sendiri sedangkan tahun demi tahun aku terus istiqamah membuat resolusi?

Kenapa tidak aku tunaikan sahaja resolusi-resolusi itu, kenapa mesti aku berlengah dan terus-terusan membuat alasan?

Excuses demi excuses - dan aku masih lagi menanyakan soalan yang sama: KENAPA....?

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Jujur

Kali ini, aku akan benar-benar jujur - jujur pada makhluk lain, jujur pada diri aku sendiri dan jujur kepada Allah. Aku tak mahu lagi menipu diri aku sendiri.

Blog ini sepatutnya menjadi tulisan paling peribadi bagiku, luahan rasa yang paling jujur.... and I will not do any other ways...

Kali ini, aku akan lepaskan beban menyimpan rahsia diri sendiri ke dalam blog ini.

Biar pun kontroversi atau taboo, aku hanya mahu menjadi aku - Dead or Alive.


Sunday, May 30, 2010

Ajal maut di tangan Tuhan, tapi....


http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/2ptd/Article

Dahsyat btul cabaran bekerja nie...

Sahabat nie dah meninggal dunia pun, tinggalkan anak umur dua tahun... Sama2lah kita doakan dia dan keluarganya sentiasa sejahtera... AlFatihah....

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Trick Or Treat

Relationships are tricky.

They are treacherous and unreliable - winding and not worthy of trust.

For the so-called 'treats' that they offer, it is just not worth the effort that you have to put in.

For any kinds of relationships with the human species, there really is no guarantee that you would actually enjoy what has been gained (or treasure what's lost, for that matter) - no guarantee at all.

I realised this when I was being enlightened by my mom in a recent mother-daughter-friend conversation. A sudden revelation came upon me ...... and I made a statement to my mom, saying how, objectively thinking, I don't have any friends or acquaintances that love me more than I do them. Sad, isn't it? But, the truth is that I know it has always been like this. I keep asking myself if there ever was and if there ever will be a person out there who would love me more than I do them, but the truth is that I don't want to care.

But, that's the thing, I DO. I think all humans do.

Please, I just want to find my way out of this.

Please.

24.5

24 Mei 1959.

Last Monday - commemoration of the 51st year.

A week of nostalgia.

A day of reminiscence.

Silently realising just how much I miss him.

Feelings in tact, unrevealing nothing.

The smiling face masks the sad heart inside.

The laughing words conceal tightly the tears of the soul.

And the Ghosts of the Past keep haunting me, keep haunting us....

Dan sekali lagi aku menjadi penunggu setia - tabah menanti saat kami bakal bertemu lagi. Moga sahaja Tuhan ketemukan kami di bawah payungan redha-Nya.

Moga sahaja kami bersatu kembali.

Moga sahaja kasih kami tetap sejati - semurni kasih Tuhan yang azali.

Friday, May 21, 2010

~150 juta~

SANGAT MESTI DENGAR! Lagu di sebelah!

Love it! This one song menceriakan aku....

^_^

Guess it somehow made me believe in "love" again

tinta-ku buta

pada derita manusia
tinta-ku tak bisa mendengar suara mereka
ia enggan menuturkan kata
buat meredakan luka sesiapa...

tinta-ku buta

kerana sesungguhnya...
tinta buta ku ini
hanya sensitif pada derita sendiri
peka cuma pada apa yang aku hajati
yang lain mana mungkin aku fahami
memang
aku manusia yang kurang insani

ini hakiki
aku manusia individualistik
pentingkan diri
insan lain tidak kupeduli
keras raut wajah ku
tajam lagi aku di peri jasadi
tuli perihal telinga ku
jauh lebih kejam pula aku di hati

malah
mungkin saja aku ini
pernah menjadi
seorang pembunuh...

tapi mengapa
masih ada yang rasa
tinta-ku tidak buta?
mengapa masih ada yang kata
tinta-ku punya jiwa?
butakah mereka
pada amarah tinta-ku ini
tulikah mereka
pada suara kebencian ini

biar saja aku
sendirian
dulu, nanti atau kini
biar aku melayan
tinta buta ku ini
buta mata, buta hati

jiwa ku telah lama mati.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Trapped

Have you ever felt trapped in a life that you wish you didn't have? That you wish you weren't living at the moment? That you wish you were someone else rather than you - anybody but you?

Life always has its ways of making us feel trapped - in any possible ways one could ever be trapped in. It's a Life full of entrapments - spellbinding enchantments that would contain your spirits in following the monotonous routines and never break the chain.

My problem? I wish I'd be trapped in many other various ways but social and emotional. I wish I don't have to deal with my many feelings and un-feelings for people, things and others... I wish I didn't even have to exist...

But, we all understand better than that, right? We know that we can't escape what Life has offered and threatened us. It's a Fact that we just have to keep living as long as Life keeps going and moving on.

Time becomes a witness of this 'silent' agreement forced upon the human beings. Time makes a pact with Life so that it will always be relevant to humans and never be un-useful, unneeded.

Too bad that we, humans, cannot do the same. We become unneeded even when we think we are needed most. We become unwanted even when we think we are the most wanted people in the whole wide universe.

Justice will only be served on the Judgment Day.

And until then, survival is the only way to walk into the future.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Star light, Star bright!

I used to wish for him to be mine, but now I know better - I understand better.

Especially after being able to talk to him like real friends just now - genuine non-romantic friendship (or sorta!).

Still, I will always love him as someone special - someone who owns his own soft, special spot in my little heart. I just cannot do less.

It really means a lot when I can admit this so openly - I feel free, free from this burden of unrequited love.

He will only be just another colleague for me now... just another person in my professional life... just another figure standing in the crowd... insyaAllah....

Though I do wonder why he wouldn't want to sit and have his lunch with me just now, I mean, my table was practically empty (as all other tables in the cafe too)... But, whatever!

Ya Allah, thank you very much! Alhamdulillah...

Thursday, April 22, 2010

~PeNaT~

Memang sangat penat rasanya sekarang... Kerja yang tak pernah habis, hidup yang tak pernah terurus, keluarga yang tak pernah memahami (walau mereka menerima diri ini seadanya), kawan yang tak pernah ada bila kita perlu bersuka-ria atau berduka-lara bersama mereka.... dan cinta... ya, cinta.... cinta yang tak pernah kunjung tiba.

And to block out any personal problems from ever entering my head or heart, I work - not necessarily industriously, but I work. I become a robot with its own mechanical routines to do daily and never giving any chances to myself to think about my personal life. When I cannot work anymore, I either eat and play games or read comics or watch television or just plainly go to sleep. I do everything but think. I do anything but address the ways how I feel inside.

Kalau difikirkan betul-betul, aku sebenarnya penat menafikan perkara-perkara yang aku tahu kebenarannya. Aku penat menafikan yang aku rupanya masih ada rasa sayang pada seseorang... Aku penat menafikan yang aku rindu pada kehidupan bersama sahabat2ku... Aku penat menafikan yang aku perlu dan mesti berdikari untuk hidup sendiri dan keluar daripada kepompong keluarga.... Aku penat menjadi hampeh... Aku penat menjadi tempat untuk orang lain bergantung...

I am just plainly tired... Exhausted... Fatigued... Weary of my own self...

So, can I go to sleep now?

The permanent sleep...?

And never wake up ever?

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Runaway


Sometimes, I really wish I could just run away from Life, escape Reality, do as I please, and never have a single care in the world - to live just for the purpose of merely to exist.

In truth, the wish will always only be a wish.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Girl Power! (?) Or is it supposed to be Woman Power?

A friend of mine forwarded the following prose to some of our female colleagues the other day.

It's fun, and I really wonder how far along true is this? I can totally relate to the facts / opinions illustrated.

How do you react to them?

Heheheh... I guess the same can apply to "Boys Vs Men" too (not Boyz To Men).

*can't stop smiling and grinning*


Girls vs Grown Women

Girls want to control the man in their life.
Grown women know that if he's truly hers, he doesn't need controlling.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn't..


Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man's time (i.e., don't want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil' bit of space makes the 'together time' even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Girls think a guy crying is weak..
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and 'tell' their man so.
Grown women 'show' him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate,without fear of losing his 'manhood'.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, IGNORING all 'signs'.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, don't always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Girls will read this and get an attitude.
Grown women will read this and pass it on to other Grown women ^_^

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Chance Encounter with Fate

Allah itu sememangnya Maha Segala-galanya!

Dia Maha Mengetahui segala apa rahsia yang ada di langit dan bumi, baik yang tersurat mahupun yang tersirat, baik yang jelas kelihatan tanpa terselindung ataupun yang tersembunyi kemas daripada pandangan manusia biasa.

Dia Maha Mengetahui segala hikmah atas setiap satu kejadian yang menimpa dirimu, insan.

Dan Dia juga Maha Mengetahui apa yang kamu ketahui malahan apa jua yang tidak kamu ketahui.

Allah is All-Knowing, Allah is Al-Mighty!

For in the entangled webs you call Destiny, therein lies His Wisdom - the wisdom of which He lends to you so generously so that you may learn and be wise in Life.

For when He denies your wishes or desires, it is always for your greater good.

For even when you are in dire need of a soulmate and He does not answer your prayers, He will lend you enough wisdom to understand that it was never meant to be.

Or at least that was how I felt when I saw my ex-crush today. A chance encounter with Fate, I must say, and with Destiny playing the fool in the background.

But I really understand now why things happen the way they were and why Allah did not let me win over him.

Simply enough, I was not fascinated nor charmed by his dim-witted words just now - how could I ever stand to be surrounded by that for the rest of my life? More than that, his indifference towards me? Huh! Like I care! Seriously? Come on lah...

It really is amazing how Allah teaches His beings sometimes - bringing sense to where there was none.

I'm just very grateful and thankful that I am among the ones who choose to listen, think and comprehend.

Alhamdulillah....

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Pernah dulu...

aku pernah menginginkan cinta...
aku pernah mengidamkan kasih...
aku pernah mendambakan sayang...
dalam hidupku.

aku pernah cuba mencari....
aku pernah cuba mengejari...
aku pernah cuba mencipta sendiri...
saat-saat manis itu
dalam kotak mindaku yang sempit ini.

Pernah juga dulu,
aku membayangkan bahawa
aku pasti akan berjaya
dalam misi ku itu...
Tapi itu sesungguhnya
hanyalah angan-angan barangkali...

KINI

biarkan saja aku sendirian
kerana aku tak perlu lagi
tak butuh lagi
apa yang pernah aku kehendaki

cukuplah sekadar Allah
menjadi pelindungku
tempat ku sandarkan harapan
tempat ku naungkan perasaan
tempat ku curahkan kepasrahan
agar mungkin dapat kusentuhi
lambat-laun nanti
redha-Nya Ilahi.

~ FiFfTeEn ~

I was listening to this song by Taylor Swift this morning, and I suddenly thought of my own "15th" year in Life....

I thought.... and thought... and thought harder....

But somehow, I just couldn't remember what it was like when I was fifteen.

And now, I don't know what really matters anymore....




Taylor Swift - Fifteen
You take a deep breath and you walk through the doors
It's the morning of your very first day
And you say hi to your friends you ain't seen in a while
Try and stay out of everybody's way

It's your freshman year and you're gonna be here
For the next four years in this town
Hoping one of those senior boys will wink at you and say
"You know, I haven't seen you around before"

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen feeling like there's nothing to figure out
Well, count to ten, take it in
This is life before you know who you're gonna be
Fifteen

You sit in class next to a redhead named Abigail
And soon enough you're best friends
Laughing at the other girls who think they're so cool
We'll be outta here as soon as we can

And then you're on your very first date and he's got a car
And you're feeling like flying
And you're momma's waiting up and you're thinking he's the one
And you're dancing 'round your room when the night ends
When the night ends

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When you're fifteen and your first kiss
Makes your head spin 'round
But in your life you'll do things greater than
Dating the boy on the football team
But I didn't know it at fifteen

When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now

Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
And Abigail gave everything she had to a boy
Who changed his mind and we both cried

'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
And when you're fifteen, don't forget to look before you fall
I've found time can heal most anything
And you just might find who you're supposed to be
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen

Your very first day
Take a deep breath girl
Take a deep breath as you walk through the doors

Monday, January 25, 2010

Vroom... Vroom... it's time for Life's Driving Lessons

I never thought much of the "driving school" experiences before. My personal resort was not to think too much of them because that was what my driving instructor told me - "you need to focus on the actual driving, the action itself instead of wondering too much on the risks and thinking what's the best course of actions to be done in a certain situation or emergency". (Besides the fact that I seriously did not think too much of it now. Back then, perhaps, but not now.)

"You don't calculate your steps too meticulously on this - just relax, practise and focus on driving, not focusing on thinking of how best to drive".

Those were some of the lessons that she gave. She was a beautiful lady - not delicate, yet so womanly and feminine. And, my oh my, was she so patient! She endured my stupidity and slowness in driving with as much patience a normal human being can handle, although there were some rough moments.

Well, who can blame her... At least she didn't give up on me when I really felt like quitting. And she did not let me give up on myself too. Despite the urge to just stop and accept the fact that I was too slow on learning how to drive a freakin' car, I stayed on and took extra classes.

Funny to think of all these now, given the fact that I used to hate going to driving classes. I guess the need to own a driving license at that time was so strong that I just had to go on until I succeeded. And the sweet taste of success was so worth the pain.

Some of the things that she told during our lessons are always stuck in my head. Like the one I mentioned earlier, about not thinking too much of how to live but just focus on living it. Oh, well, maybe she did not use the exact word "live" and only meant to say "drive", but the equivalence of those two verbs is so stunningly close and alike, I always remember the symbolism of Life in her words.

There was another one that I can never forget. Never.

You see, in the beginning (and perhaps occasionally up until now ^_^ ),I always had problems adjusting my safe distance and maintaining my car's directions. It would almost always go into the other lane especially when I made a turn. I could not anticipate how much to turn / steer the wheel appropriately with the flow of the roads. This was my biggest issue at the time - it cost me tears at the end of one or two (or maybe more) lessons. I almost gave up driving entirely because of this.

My driving instructor would always remind me to look much farther ahead on the road so that I would turn / steer the wheel according to the farthest point of the road that I could see. She would always scold me diligently when ever I broke this rule of hers - "Awak kena tengok jauh lagi, fokus pada hujung jalan, bukan lubang depan mata awak ni!".

"Look farther, focus at the end of the road way ahead
in front of you, and not the hole right in front of this car!"

I did not comprehend at first. I could not understand why I could not just focus on the nearest point of view instead of straining my eyes to get a better vision of the end of the road. It was quite ridiculous too, at first. Wouldn't the car turn too early if I did that? Wouldn't the car enter an exit too soon if I did that?

But as time passes by, I realised how true her statement was. And it took me much longer than my driving lessons to enable me to see her implicit, underlying reasonings.

It was like planning for your future, it was like preparing for one. It was like living Life. You have to just "live" it, but you also have to prepare for what's coming - to prepare for your future, you have to look so much farther ahead than the present.

In driving, looking farther ahead the course and focusing on the end of the road means that you prepare for any possible threats or likely accidents much earlier than the actual thing happened - you also steer better.

In Life, you look farther ahead to plan for your future and determine your ultimate goals, your final destination - executing your plans better when you have already "seen" the almost-invisible risks lying ahead.

And now, every time I drive on the road, her words keep ringing in my ears.

Don't limit your vision to things near you and right under your nose.

Instead, always look farther than your eyes can, and you will see that there's so much more to Life than the temporary thrills you are living on today.

Widen your gaze in the horizons and you will never know where it would lead you.

It is a world of possibilities.

Be careful, but enjoy the ride!

(( > _ <" ))

Monday, January 18, 2010

~~~PuRpLe~~~

I don't know why but ever since I had to decide on one favourite colour, it has always been purple. (And decision was tough because I happen to like all colours.)

Perhaps it is because of the sense of mystery and enchantment that it portrays - or may be even due to the fact that it is a mixture of the soothing calm blue and vivacious brave red - such strong symbolism of assimilation.

Or may be it is simply because I just love feeling like the royal purple.

Well, royalty or not, this has been the only colour that I can associate myself with - irregardless of the fact that I love variety and the colourful life it brings. Yes, just as is my other parts of life, my obsession has always been the combination of different colours in my favour.

And yet, purple always has a soft spot in my heart.

People say favourites illustrate the inner you. I wonder if this is ever true....



Alicia Keys - Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart

Even if you were a million miles away
I could still feel you in my bed
Near me, touch me, feel me
And even at the bottom of the sea
I could still hear inside my head
Tellin' me, touch me, feel me

And all the time you were tellin' me lies

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times we had tonight
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed

Lonely, on me nobody ever shut (?) it down like you
You want a crown
You made my body feel heaven bound
Why don't you hold me
Near me, I thought you told me
You'd never leave me

Looking in the sky I could see your face
And I know right where I fit in
Take me, make me, you know that I'll always be in love
With you
Right til the end OOh

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times we had tonight
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you

Anybody could've told you right from the start
It's bound (?) to fall apart
So rather than hold on to a broken dream
We'll just hold on to love

And I could find a way to make it
Don't hold on too tight
I'll make it without you tonight

So tonight, I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
Tonight I'm gonna find a way to make it without you
I'm gonna hold on to the times we had tonight
I'm gonna find a way to make it without you