I wonder why I keep remembering him. Now, it's worse than ever. When I assess myself objectively on the matter, I seriously believe and am convinced that I no longer have any romantic feelings for him (well, he was never my special boyfriend).
And it makes me sick to see myself being as pathetic as I am currently. It should have been over - it was just a silly crush. Yet, I suffer today like I'm still trying to hang on to this deeply false emotions. I still peek on him and his car occasionally from time to time. I'm so SICK, aren't I? mentally-ill....
The truth is... he's such a jerk... well, maybe not literally because he is not a bad person in actual reality. He is just plainly human - a normal, average human being. And I know that I bore the people around me when I constantly talk about him and my unearthly feelings.
Trust me, I bore my own self sometimes as I know that I am being such a pathetic loser by doing this to myself. I don't deserve to treat myself this way. But, why can't I stop? Why can't I move on? Why must I drag this burden around?
It feels so empty - I FEEL EMPTY.
Allah.... Allah, please lend me strength and wisdom to be able to stand up again from this defeat. Please grant me your blessings so that I may only love You and only You alone. Though I am but an ordinary, flawed creature of weaknesses, I find that only Love fills my heart - and nothing else. Yet, somehow, this Love not only delights me, It burdens and pains me with such great vigour that I shake with terror and fear of its abscence should It decide to vanish into thin air one day.
Pasal Toujours Advanced Collagen Shots
11 years ago
Sahabatku, semoga kau diberi kekuatan untuk mengharungi ujian ini.
ReplyDeleteSomeone gave me these, "Mungkin kamu membenci sesuatu padahal ia amat baik bagimu dan mungkin pula kamu menyukai sesuatu padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui sedang kamu tidak mengetahui." (Surah Al-Baqarah - ayat 216)
he is a total jerk..
ReplyDeleteso make a jerky out of him!huahuahua