It's weird actually, but there are times in my life that I just feel like crying, and really weep - but for no apparent reasons.
It's not like I'm in some kind of trouble or what ever. But this odd feeling or sensation of "being emotional" would always hit me once in a blue moon.
It becomes a type of emotional release that would somehow make me feel more at ease later on with myself....
And so, when this tide of feelings gushes my tears out, I somehow feel better - somehow healed, in a semi-spiritual sense .
Like when rainbows bring the sunshine after the storm...
But until that time comes, the invisible tears that I keep in my heart
will keep flooding the dam of my soul.
That's why I need to open the dam's doors.
But where can I find the doors? To my heart?
dear, ini adalah poem yang i janjikan. maaf, x dapat call. sebab bapak aku tidur sampai bawak phone dia sekali. =( biasa taruk atas meja je, iskh.
ReplyDeleteSo, You Want to be A Writer, Charles Bukowski
if it doesn't come bursting out of you
in spite of everything,
don't do it.
unless it comes unasked out of your
heart and your mind and your mouth
and your gut,
don't do it.
if you have to sit for hours
staring at your computer screen
or hunched over your
typewriter
searching for words,
don't do it.
if you're doing it for money or
fame,
don't do it.
if you're doing it because you want
women in your bed,
don't do it.
if you have to sit there and
rewrite it again and again,
don't do it.
if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,
don't do it.
if you're trying to write like somebody
else,
forget about it.
if you have to wait for it to roar out of
you,
then wait patiently.
if it never does roar out of you,
do something else.
if you first have to read it to your wife
or your girlfriend or your boyfriend
or your parents or to anybody at all,
you're not ready.
don't be like so many writers,
don't be like so many thousands of
people who call themselves writers,
don't be dull and boring and
pretentious, don't be consumed with self-
love.
the libraries of the world have
yawned themselves to
sleep
over your kind.
don't add to that.
don't do it.
unless it comes out of
your soul like a rocket,
unless being still would
drive you to madness or
suicide or murder,
don't do it.
unless the sun inside you is
burning your gut,
don't do it.
when it is truly time,
and if you have been chosen,
it will do it by
itself and it will keep on doing it
until you die or it dies in you.
there is no other way.
and there never was.