mama: d untold story

i’ve been lazy, as of late.

i’m having trouble committing to my work - esp d postponed loads…

and my mom keep nagging me to WORK, WORK n WORK. it’s like i go to work every morning, juz to come home to more working again at night… never-ending role of a worker - a so-called servant to d govt of m’sia (w/eva or who ever that is!)

i’m also having trouble planning my life n working out my plan - i feel like i’m so damn disorganised rite now…. like nothing is good enough for me… n I’m NOT good enough for anythg…

N MAMA kept telling me to let go of d bad, n chase after the good… to arrange my time (n all other stuffs too) wisely… n action out ALL dat i’ve planned… BUT……

i understd dat she’s juz worried ’bout me. worried sick dat i might not be a competent worker…. worried dat i might jeopardise my own luck, my own rezeki…. WORRIED dat i may get hurt in d process n be unhappy…

she’s juz plainly worried ABOUT ME.

i AM more than thankful for her care… for her concerns… for her unconditional love… for her utmost attention towards me…. for all n more.

BUT we both need our own space n time sometimes…. N i need her to be less worried about me, so that I can be more worried about myself on my own

i luv her so much. n i need her almost all d time…. BUT NOT ALL D TIME

sad… we r so damn close… i can never keep secrets from her (ok, maybe juz some - very small portion of my life… like d most mischievous stuffs i’d ever done :))

she’s my best fren - but she’s also my mom… i’m afraid of losing her, but i need to lose her presence sometimes….

i dont wanna hurt her - ever… but i dont know if it’s worth getting myself hurt in d end? i guess it is - coz mama is so selfless….

but there were times dat i think she’s selfish…. like when i wanna go out wit my frens n she says ok but she acts not ok… oh, well, i guess it’s only human….

i juz hope dat my siblings and i can take very good care of her - maybe we can never do it better than when she took care of us, but i hope we can at least do it as good as she did when we were smaller.

MAMA, U REALLY R D QUEEN OF OUR HEART….

November 27th, 2008 at 10:36 am