a very close fren of mine called juz recently…
we talked about lotsa thgs. some very serious topics - like the GOD issues, career n others… n some very trifling topics too - such as luv, life, frenship, relationships, etc - bla, bla, bla, bla….
it’s been a while since i had a very long n elaborate conversation wit someone - wutmore wit a really close fren. plus, in these times of d month, i really needed to talk to someone who can juz listen n support me - no matter how wrong i can be or how bad my decisions were about sth.
everythg that could go wrong would always go wrong when ur hormones r running wild n haywire. same thg happens when u can’t really depend on the same people u’ve been depending on for such a long time - juz b’coz u dont really listen to them n dont take heed of their advice.
i usually would talk to my mom n ask her advice on a lot of thgs - namely everythg under d sun (dat’s how CLOSE we r). but sometimes, mother-daughter relationship could betray u when u least wanted it to - though u both already r frens. esp when u do sth very wrong n ur mom disagrees wit u. very tricky this relationship is! 
so, when my fren called n we talked n talked n talked - it made me realised how i miss talking to someone of my equal in a lot of thgs… it’s like u both dont have too many tight strings attached…n u both have learnt to accept each other as yourselves r… d beauty of equal-level frenship!
n so, as we conversed, i had one of d best moments in my life - esp as of late when most thgs r going so wrongly against me nowadays… she told me about her life n experiences n opinions - AND i SHARED mine… i never wanted to stop - it was like i did not have to deal wit reality as long as i continue talking to her… sad…. i felt so helpless wit my life.
n when she asked my honest, true feelings about him at d moment, i could not bring myself to even lie or manipulate n bend d facts - i juz plainly n directly told her dat i still AM struggling to get over him n d feelings dat i had for him… (though i think dat it’s d beautiful feelings dat matter more to me than d guy…it’s juz dat d feelings R associated n related to d GUY - HUGE PROBLEM!) i cant possibly tell her otherwise, can i? coz i dont know wut else to tell her if not d TRUTH.
it’s true too dat i yield to d temptations of letting my ego win - to be able to see him beg me for sth dat he wouldnt allow me at d 1st place. aaahhh… sweet, sweet taste of revenge….
but, being d person i am, i know too well dat i cant do that for too long - coz i believe Allah wont let me. I hope, wish n pray ALL d time for Allah to grant his TRUE, ETERNAL LUV towards me - yet, still I merely am an ORDINARY human being.
i’m supposed to finish my work rite now (n not write this blog-post, of course), but somehow i find myself needing to do sth else 1st before coming to my senses wit d harsh reality. my driving lessons r not going too well too… but dat’s d least important thg in my mind rite now.
well, i dont really know wut’s important in my life anymore - i guess this is one of those heartbreaking periods of my life - the ones that u cant defeat wit juz positive approaches n attitudes. but i can admit to one thg for sure - THIS IS an EXCELLENT teaching experience dat would enable me to learn dat there’s always a silver lining on the gray, stormy cloud. NO MATTER WUT OTHERS MAY TELL U…
i asked my fren if someone who only has a crush over someone else, would dat person ever consider praying for d other person’s well-being (n i mean, REALLY PRAY)…? i guess it struck her juz as it struck me in d 1st place - d depth of my so-called crush…. n how destructive it can be…
but DONT WORRY, my dear, dear fren - I WONT LET IT DESTROY ME.
remember i used to say this:
I AM MY OWN HERO - SO I WILL SAVE ME FROM ME…. it’s d least i can do for all d others who love me unconditionally all this while… N FOR ALLAH!
“memang begitu pedih sekali bila hati sedang berduka… ia bagaikan satu kematian yang diratapi kerna pergi n hilangnya org kesayangan kita… tapi, bukankah kedukaan ini hanya peringatan kepada kita tentang betapa indahnya BAHAGIA n SUKA-RIA yg bakal muncul kembali jika kita tekun berusaha ke arah itu. Allah Maha Penyayang - maka sekurang2nya kita blh belajar menyayangi diri n orang lain walau x sehebat cinta Allah pada makhlukNya“
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