it’s been quite a while since i last wrote in this beloved blog of mine. (yah, i luv it coz i dont hv too many to love 
There’s never too many thgs to love! *_* coz i hv lotsa luv to give, PPL! HOHO!)
i guess i really miss writing my so-called online journal… but it seems like every time i wanna publish a post, i juz end up oozing sth else instead of GOOD reading material…. i dont know…. i keep wondering y?
it’s only been a few days or weeks (i cant remember which is which? juz lost track of time *_* ) since my last blog-post… n i mean d real one - x d one i “ciplak” from my own shoutout… hehehehe
but A LOT has happened in my life as of late. too many - i dont even hv d energy to babble about it…
it’s juz dat i never xpected to have learnt n grown so much in such a way dat i thot was impossible before …
call me selfish, self-centerd or even self-absorbed, self-obsessed…. w/eva! in my eyes, i wont truly grasp d meaning of “selflessness” until i hv been d selfish, proud, vain n cocky person i was previously (n slightly am today)….
it’s d bliss of ironies… SOMEHOW
i guess
it’s like i’m having what writers would call “a mental block” - but NOT of ideas on what to write, the opposite …. too many ideas yet my phising filter in my brain aint working too well…
pelik tp benar - i believe dat i’m going to pursue my dream of becoming a writer again… buat kesekian kalinya, i REALLY am a walking contradiction. but i WILL write - even if it’s for my own personal pleasure only…
i found some extraordinary blogs out there - wit bombastic words n all… they reminded me of few close frens who ALREADY r writers… Wish i could b like them, BUT i’m only ME
IDEAS usually got stuck in my mind - somehow i forget how to manipulate words n arrange illustrious wordings like i used to so long ago… i know what i need most - a focused space n time - which i could NOT afford in times like these….
but i guess this temporary blockage may well turn out to be a blessing in disguise - at least, for d moment, i appreciate writers more… i respect myself more… i learn dat u dont get to own wut u hv or posses today w/out Allah’s unconditional luv n gift towards His servants - whether or not we r faithful enuff to Him…
u know wut else i learnt? that ideas r always n forever ideas - until u do sth ’bout it n action on it!
my eyelids feel so heavy now, n my eyes wont listen to my hypothalamus’s instruction - not anymore, no more…. the synapses r going further away from each other n no bridges of info r flooding my mind rite now - no rushing trails of thots, no adrenalin rush, no rising hormones, NO NOTHG….
it’s a sign - I REALLY SHOULD STOP WRITING THIS BLOG-POST n work… Reports, reports, reports….as well as minutes of meeting….
*SIGH*
hmmmm…. n ppl say i’m weird when i ask: IS THIS ALL TO LIFE?
luv me or hate me… BUT U may never break me!
No comments:
Post a Comment