still loving, still hoping [v:II]

infatuation: LoVe, HoPe.

i have always been fascinated by the two MOST outstanding, outrageous, outwitting, ridiculously haunting, out-of-this-world and strongest emotions ever felt by an individual human being - MOST FASCINATED actually.

no, it’s not the fact that people tend to hang on to these feelings to keep surviving this pathetic living, this unbearable life….

and no, it’s not because of the beauties and wonders that almost always come with the package of these two overwhelming, touching elements…

it’s the fact that people still believe and somehow long for the magic within these soothing feelings, these promising emotions even when they have been repeatedly hurt by the heartbreaking experiences involved in achieving the impossible…

cynical? sinister? pessimistic? negative thinking? closed mind?

or perhaps just merely rational and logic thinking - the kind of mental state, mind and reason which prevails when all else fails …

take this story for instance…

Sam kept falling in love and having a number of crushes - all of which were kept hidden and secret from everybody who knew her. she never told her crushes that she admired them - sometimes even feeling deeper and stronger for them than she really should have. she never told them - she never even considered telling them. she only did what she knew best - hide and cover up her feelings, tend to her utmost fantasies, celestial dreams of happiness - blissfully ignoring the fact that she might be a cowardice who runs from her true emotions about someone. no, she did not want to lie - she never wanted to fake her facial expressions when ever she was near her crushes… she never wanted to be any of those…. she have always wanted to take risks - and not play it too safe all the time - to come clean and be honest, be really honest. to be able to fully embrace the beautiful rush of adrenalin when ever she thought she was falling head over heels for someone - she’d really like that. but she was SAM - the never-quite-at-home-nor-did-she-quite-belong Sam… was it worth doing what she did? if u asked her, she’d probably say yes. it wouldnt be something that wasted her time and certainly wouldnt be the cause of her misery - because, as she would put it, “the beauty and depth of the emotions is worth every hurt, wound and pain which weakens you - for it gives you hope, it gives you love to hang on to - something to make your miserable life more bearable and worthwhile livng.” and no, she never changed her secretive, chickened ways - she stayed the same forever. but, oh, yes, she did move on to something better - NO OTHER CRUSHES ANYMORE , at least until she could figure herself out first.

so, u see, what is there not to wonder about this LOVE and HOPE feelings? arent they the most intriguing mysteries of life? just imagine, a particular homo sapiens does not regret what more think of giving up on the prospect of those deep emotions even when the person has been repetitively being deprived of its joy ever becoming a reality.

of course, i would be MOST FASCINATED. wont all other similar species?

December 24th, 2008 at 7:52 am